contradiction

What life are you searching for?

What are you doing right now?

Have you found your answers?

Im living on a borderline of  truth & dream.

truth kills me inside 

and dreams smother me within.

Im looking for life with no worries

to embrace life

to live my soul

and yet its hard to find.

i dont want money but i need money

i dont want education but i need education

i dont want technology but i need technology

i live in realm of contradictions...

i am so pissed of  the world

and i hate human

i am  so pissed of myself

and i hate myself 

because i can do anything

and i cant do anything

because im a human myself.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

ugh. 

2011 Final Report

hello.


I am here today as a fresh graduate from Taylor University Architecture school.
It was a tough 3 years because it aint human life.
but we survived. :D

In fact, I have no idea which group of friends i belong to after three years. I hang around everywhere because I just enjoy all kinds of companions.It may be hard sometimes for me. But i was glad i get to know everyone in the class. Some people are genius which made me envy. Some people are hardworking which made me guilty. Some people are lazy which made me mad. But geniuses are friendly and fun too which made me had great times. The hardworking people are motivating and helpful which made me strive for more. and the lazy people  are people who aint actually lazy which made me understood life because they know it better of what they want and knows their priorities. I dont think i did my best in terms of "friend" / social life for the three years, in fact i did it badly, but I really appreciate the fact we have met. I am sorry if I ever misunderstood or mistreated anyone. Thank you for all my classmates for these 3 years! and good luck to all of you no matter what you have decided to do in your life. We all have our own road to go on and i know all of us can succeed because we did it more than once throughout the course. :)

----------------

back onto my own blog post,

i cant actually remember when was my last day of class.=P I think ill just wait for the graduation day as the official date to remember,i hope.xD

Many things has been going on and i shall briefly "scribble" down to my this little lonely blog..:D

After the end of semester, we had parties.

We had final gathering at Dena's house.

It suppose to be a warm decent little party which it ended up a water ballon war in the end! we called it the "not to wet" party . lol :D

everyone waiting for the last few survivors.

*reload fire power*

one survivor surrendered. :D

all wet group photo~

------------------

after few days,

me, yc and rian followed abu and his friends to pulau payar.

It was my first time snorkeling and it was really funnnn <3<3

I was in awed that i screamed in the water when i saw a pack of little fish swim pass me back and forth right in front of me in a swarm! its like national geographic!!xD it was a thrill!!!

however, I really do think fish are scary..TT

big fish..and medium fish too..

I was so excited aboutt the little fish when suddenly came another pack of fish, but "medium -sized ", swimming towards me...

I kinda panicked..I ran away..=w=

I have no idea but i try to keep myself away from the fish, any fish which is anything bigger than 12cm. blerghhh...

they dived down into the water under the ship... thats really dangerous actually...=w=;;

all gone wild.

snorkle snorkle..

To be honest, i dont really know the people.

so, i actually had a quite awkward experience..although i did had good time snorkeling, seeing the fishy..:D

hopefully i can do snorkelling again somewhere with some closer friends!:)

The snorkelling was a one day two nights trip. The friends went back but me, yc, rian , abu and azie stayed in penang.

we did alot of eating basically.haha and the most epic one was the last night in penang which we had our dinner at Tsunami Village. AWESOME SEAFOOD!! AWESOME BBQ CRAB!! BY THE BEACH! :D

We ordered twice..haha and we shall come back here again next time.for the crab.x)

-------------------

we came back,

me, leeyee and yanting went to times square for shopping..

and I continue my party at night at rootz with the others, including chui nee, timothy, hsien, pinx, vincent, yee cheng, abu, serene and sherene.

I had fun with my new toy, neko-mimi!!

:D $30 gone..actually i think it worths it..but everyone said its not...

they dont understand~~~~~>____< *hearts*

No one was perfectly fine at the end..lol

we went to mcD after that.

and serene showed off he A0 sized presentation board by the street... oh yeah, such ego! ;) *with the help of her two underlings, yc and tim*

n camwhores!

in fact, the next day was my job interview...teehee

and i kinda screwed up.xD but i got the job anyway.lol

I am now an assistant architect in zlgdesign.

this is my boss..

mr. Huat Lim. :D

and this is my office..

D7, Sentul East.

isnt this awesomeeeee!!!xDDDD

I LOVE THIS PLACE SO MUCH!!<3

its part of a major project by YTL.

but our office is only one of very few tenant now.

hopefully more tenant come in and it would be then perfect!:D

-----------------

 I started work on 9th January 2012.

and fyi, i am currently under two projects which is an in-house project, zlgstuff and a major project team, onyx tower and grass hotel.

zlgstuff is in D7 as well. it will be a coffee store, also selling some fresh buns and vintage rare items.. and its all about a good jazz music. :)

onyx tower and grass hotel

i got this image from internet..cause i dont think i can simply reveal the company's work..teehee..

it will be located along jalan P. Ramlee near klcc.

Talking about work,how do i feel?

yeah..everyone are really really friendly at work..

but i can only say, 

I should learn to be careful and be your own leader. Trust yourself and think for everything you do. Dont do things blindly.

Thats' basically my advice. No hint.;)

-------------------------------

 I took 3 days unpaid leave and tada, spontaneously, IM BACK IN PENANG ON THURSDAY!! WOOHOO

SO happy!! :D i love penang.

today i ate durian and crabs. :D MA FAVOURITES. >w<

wwooooo

I will be going back to Tsunami Village for the BBQ Crab again.:D This time with my family as well as another cousin family.=)

Really looking forward to it.<3

I have done alot of reporting. so.lights out.

woof.

Demotivated

Good morning folks. it's 3.15a.m. now. i suppose most of the people are already proceeding into their 3rd stage sleeping phase by now.. alpha beta stage...lol

here i am, even though i used to not sleep at night.=P today i wanted to get myself a good night sleep after nights of assignment hardcoring.. however, seems like it isnt working out...


what ms alina mentioned in class today really bothers me...
"im very surprised sem 6 student doesnt hav their building yet after 8 weeks..im really concern, seriously.."
then she blab out the list of schedules which we should be complying, a list of works we should be producing until the day of interim..it really scares me.

I know well i am behind schedule, i know what i am suppose to do, i can do it. But to be blatantly described the disastrous condition i am in by the lecturer makes me panic, and i start to stress out and stress makes me unproductive. I am DEMOTIVATED, FUCK.

I start reading on people's blogs..then i came to chuckei's blog. As pretty as usual..=D no, im not homo. She looks really mature for 19 years old, in a positive way. =P

see this. i am the same old childish face evil coin.=w=
However, the things that i really look up to bloggers like her is their ability to involve themselves actively in the society, being themselves, doing what they enjoy. Being exposed to lots of things, and from there they share the experience to their readers. Maybe i was wrong, but that is the impression ive got from what ive read and see.

Then, i start to question myself again. what am i doing???? ill be 22 soon and what have i achieved?? Am i doing great now? Is what i am doing now really leading to what i actually really looking forward to in future?? These dilemma has been repeating and repeating and repeating throughout these 3 years!! my god!!! 

see? no more smile.='(

To be honest,  i dont think so architecture is my thing, now.
That thinking grows stronger when Welson explained to us the process of getting an Ar. tittle in future. I can only say, i hate every single part of it.
I like to design. I mean, i LOVE it. but architecture isnt all about design. Design covers only maybe 30% of the whole process of architecture in the real world. 30% of what i love and the 70% are the things i hate the most in life.
True, life is not easy, we cant expect everything is perfect. 
I think i could accept the fact but unfortunately not in the case of architecture which takes up your entire social and personal life. Its not a matter of the 8 to 12 hour fraction of working hour everyday, but 24hours every single day. Unless, you are a boss. Maybe, 7 years later.. or even later.. By that time im 30-ish.

I am not willingly to sacrifice my youth (not youth anymore actually, lol) to architecture, work work and work, seriously, NO! They are so many things that i want to do! which shall not wait until im 30. For me, 30 is old, and most probably new responsibilities will be coming in by then.

I believe in a quote which sounds something like if you want something but you are always waiting for the right time, then you will never have it. I believe everything has a way out eventually, there is no right time nor wrong time. It is just a matter of wether you have the gut and confidence to face and deal with the issues that comes later. 
That  is the reason i always got scolded by my parents, i think , for doing things without thinking about the consequences.teehee but i am just doing things that i think i should do.

Well, afterall the things i blab about, i could only conclude that im partially dead.
No, i havnt achieve anything in life.
No, i havnt fulfill any of my wish so far (maybe one.hehe)
No, architecture is not my future.
No, i still dont know what to do.

but at least, i felt better now. 
Lets just get the design done this time and see what i can do for my future soon.
Step by step.
Maybe i can sleep now.=)
See you guys soon, in our wonderland~=D



For you guys who have not seen my baby, introducing baby Ruffy.=) Miniature schnauzer she is. almost 6 months old now. a very bubbly and playful puppy.<3

Street Food Paradigm shift in Jalan TAR gourmet -on-the-go!

The hard work results of my sad sad weekends..*sniff*

Plans are not out yet.sigh..Why am i so slow?-_________-+

The space planning diagram which exhausts the hell out of me...

but i am SATISFIED with the outcome! :D stay tuned! ;)

ps:i tink its time for me to start gathering pieces and fragments of informations on master programme soon... What should i do now... ? The radioactive and tsunami incident really affect my life decision lots..T__T 

WHY HAPPEN NOW?!  

RISE JAPAN!  GAMBAREEEEE~!