here i am, even though i used to not sleep at night.=P today i wanted to get myself a good night sleep after nights of assignment hardcoring.. however, seems like it isnt working out...
what ms alina mentioned in class today really bothers me...
"im very surprised sem 6 student doesnt hav their building yet after 8 weeks..im really concern, seriously.."
then she blab out the list of schedules which we should be complying, a list of works we should be producing until the day of interim..it really scares me.
I know well i am behind schedule, i know what i am suppose to do, i can do it. But to be blatantly described the disastrous condition i am in by the lecturer makes me panic, and i start to stress out and stress makes me unproductive. I am DEMOTIVATED, FUCK.
I start reading on people's blogs..then i came to chuckei's blog. As pretty as usual..=D no, im not homo. She looks really mature for 19 years old, in a positive way. =P
see this. i am the same old childish face evil coin.=w=
However, the things that i really look up to bloggers like her is their ability to involve themselves actively in the society, being themselves, doing what they enjoy. Being exposed to lots of things, and from there they share the experience to their readers. Maybe i was wrong, but that is the impression ive got from what ive read and see.
Then, i start to question myself again. what am i doing???? ill be 22 soon and what have i achieved?? Am i doing great now? Is what i am doing now really leading to what i actually really looking forward to in future?? These dilemma has been repeating and repeating and repeating throughout these 3 years!! my god!!!
see? no more smile.='(
To be honest, i dont think so architecture is my thing, now. That thinking grows stronger when Welson explained to us the process of getting an Ar. tittle in future. I can only say, i hate every single part of it.
I like to design. I mean, i LOVE it. but architecture isnt all about design. Design covers only maybe 30% of the whole process of architecture in the real world. 30% of what i love and the 70% are the things i hate the most in life.
True, life is not easy, we cant expect everything is perfect.
I think i could accept the fact but unfortunately not in the case of architecture which takes up your entire social and personal life. Its not a matter of the 8 to 12 hour fraction of working hour everyday, but 24hours every single day. Unless, you are a boss. Maybe, 7 years later.. or even later.. By that time im 30-ish.
I am not willingly to sacrifice my youth (not youth anymore actually, lol) to architecture, work work and work, seriously, NO! They are so many things that i want to do! which shall not wait until im 30. For me, 30 is old, and most probably new responsibilities will be coming in by then.
I believe in a quote which sounds something like if you want something but you are always waiting for the right time, then you will never have it. I believe everything has a way out eventually, there is no right time nor wrong time. It is just a matter of wether you have the gut and confidence to face and deal with the issues that comes later.
That is the reason i always got scolded by my parents, i think , for doing things without thinking about the consequences.teehee but i am just doing things that i think i should do.
Well, afterall the things i blab about, i could only conclude that im partially dead.
No, i havnt achieve anything in life.
No, i havnt fulfill any of my wish so far (maybe one.hehe)
No, architecture is not my future.
No, i still dont know what to do.
but at least, i felt better now.
Lets just get the design done this time and see what i can do for my future soon.
Step by step.
Maybe i can sleep now.=)
See you guys soon, in our wonderland~=D
For you guys who have not seen my baby, introducing baby Ruffy.=) Miniature schnauzer she is. almost 6 months old now. a very bubbly and playful puppy.<3
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